from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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