May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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