well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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