So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
tell me about the fingering
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