I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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