Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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