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So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
