Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sext me about skeletons
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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