So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
