Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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