Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
