and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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