so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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