We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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