Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
