it wasn't lemon gatorade
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
