Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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