Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize