if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
