i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
