My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
