So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You took a bar mat shot.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How does it feel to date your dad?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize