Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
