Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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