need another drink. this is the easiest way
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
