i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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