this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
