Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
