I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
