Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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