Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
