im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
