First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I supernannyed him into submission
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
