Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
