i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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