Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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