Ketchup is God's man juice
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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