watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
