Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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