So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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