You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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