are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
