Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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