She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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