I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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