with your own penis?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
