He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
