Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
