Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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