whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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