Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize