i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
