My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
