Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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