Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's the barista slut.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
