I smell stomach acid.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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