Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
