If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
im on a boat
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