Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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