you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
