I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
