Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
