it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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