so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize