so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
