Kiss
Puke
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
