my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize