I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize